Welcome to the first reader-contributed post of A Timely Blogathon! This first review comes from the one and only Eric of Isaacs Picture Conclusions – a local legend, a lover of schlock, a critic of low budget cinematic masterpieces. Thank you to the wonderful Eric for contributing to A Timely Blogathon!
1972 YELLOW HOUSE (2011) or EXIT 91 SUMMERLAND (2011) or HOW I LEARNED TO HATE AN 80 MINUTE MOVIE
The theme behind the atmosphere of this movie will probably not resonate with anyone born after 1980 but, imagine, if you can, a time before cell phones, HD TVs, iPads or even things like debit cards. A barbaric time, to be sure, but much, much simpler. Sure, we were using transistor radios and filament light bulbs, but we were getting along just fine. Video recording machinery was being produced for moderate income families and we made tons of home movies, many of which didn’t even have sound. I can’t reproduce them here but I can offer up this picture I stole from a bar in Eureka Springs, Arkansas:
This picture doesn’t have a date on it but I would suggest late 70s although that does look like a primitive computer monitor in the background so MAYBE early 80s – although the hair style, necklace and beard resemble pre-80s. Anyway, notice the poor quality of the photo. It’s blurry and grainy and there’s no digital effects highlighting the man’s chest hair. It’s not super fun to look at and it would be difficult to easily share on
fucking lovely facebook. Now, imagine EIGHTY FUCKING MINUTES of this, even blurrier, with distorted sound, miserable light effects and a story that doesn’t make any fucking sense.
From what I THINK I can glean, a man and a woman move into a new house and he shoots everything with some sort of miserable video camera, like pre 8MM or something. The sound is all fucked up and the frames flutter constantly and there’s hardly any discernible dialogue. At some point, I believe the female finds some bones in the garden and I THINK it is alluded to be her baby that she hasn’t even had yet but I’m not super sure there. There was something in there somewhere about a baby. I think.
I don’t really remember the image above but I couldn’t make out what was going most of the time anyway. A majority of the film’s run time is walking around this goddamned house and turning the camera at weird angles. For 80 being 80 minutes long, this felt like it took almost four hours to get through.
I also don’t really know what else to say other than this is one of the worst fucking movies I’ve EVER seen and I’ve seen some real stinkers. So, in summary: wretched from start to finish, this one will really make you want to find the nearest sharp object and pop your eyeballs out as soon as you can.